Christmas's Last Stand

Volume 5, Number 23

Since my childhood and all through to my adult years, our family has owned over 50+ Christmas tree stands. All shapes, sizes, quality (cheap plastic to pricey cast iron), you name it. I wrote this little re-do to the well-known carol for you today, just to give you a glimpse of the life and bizarro world of the yearly dreaded acquisition and set up (with fear and trepidation)—called the Christmas tree stand.

On the First day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four T-bolt screws, three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five s-t-e-e-l b-a-n-d c-l-a-m-p-s!
Four T-bolt screws, three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six cats a climbing,
Five s-t-e-e-l b-a-n-d c-l-a-m-p-s!
Four T-bolt screws, three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven kids disrupting, six cats a climbing,
Five s-t-e-e-l b-a-n-d c-l-a-m-p-s!
Four T-bolt screws, three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight friends a heckling, seven kids disrupting, six cats a climbing,
Five s-t-e-e-l b-a-n-d c-l-a-m-p-s!
Four T-bolt screws, three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine hooks “un-hooking”, eight friends a heckling, seven kids disrupting,
Six cats a climbing,
Five s-t-e-e-l b-a-n-d c-l-a-m-p-s!
Four T-bolt screws, three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten fingers sticking, nine hooks “un-hooking”, eight friends a heckling,
Seven kids disrupting, six cats a climbing,
Five s-t-e-e-l b-a-n-d c-l-a-m-p-s!
Four T-bolt screws, three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven feet of wiring, ten fingers sticking, nine hooks “un-hooking”,
Eight friends a heckling, seven kids disrupting, six cats a climbing,
Five s-t-e-e-l b-a-n-d c-l-a-m-p-s!
Four T-bolt screws, three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!
On the Twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve Home Depot coupons, eleven feet of wiring, ten fingers sticking,
Nine hooks “un-hooking”, eight friends a heckling, seven kids disrupting,
Six cats a climbing,
Five s-t-e-e-l b-a-n-d c-l-a-m-p-s!
Four T-bolt screws, three Tylenol, two migraines,
And a super-industrial-strength Christmas tree stand!

So after all the years of tree hassle, we have finally given in to the smaller artificial one— “easy to assemble” and with tree stand included! It took me exactly seven minutes to set it up! And I burn those wonderful aromatic fir and balsam candles around the house, just to tease my mind a bit. But I confess I kind of miss the struggle!

Christmas trees are work, but take this stand:

1. Treasure everything; every detail—even the mishaps!
2. Keep the tinsel away from the cat, if you get my drift.
3. The best Christmas tree stand is the “stand” you make in your home: Always stand for love; always stand for joy; always stand for peace; and always make room for a good laugh if the tree falls over again!

“Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heart sick, but a sudden good break can turn life around” (Proverbs 13:12, The Message).

“Go, take your stand in the temple courts and declare to the people the whole doctrine concerning this Life (the eternal life which Christ revealed” (Acts 5:20, Amplified Bible).

Follow Laugh Lines here.