Let's Weep For Joy!

The day after Christmas. Always a conflicting clean-up. It's the collusion of the smell of charred lasagna sauce in the oven teaming with the half-burnt Yankee "Balsam & Cedar" aroma, that tells me I'm in the midst of another one of those "smelly" conspiracies. There's another collaboration going on too. My CD player with my favorite instrumental Christmas music (Fourplay "Snowbound") is in cahoots with my TV - blaring ESPN's re-broadcast of the Poinsettia Bowl LA Tech vs. TCU. Every possible sound wave in this house has the vibration of both! Another illegal tactic going on is the desperate cry of organic/healthy/wholesome foods in the frig working with the homemade chocolate chip cookie dough. They're both rival commodities in co-operation for their mutual benefit - to GET ME TO EAT IT ALL - no matter what it is! There's also evidence that our adult children were here. Day old dishes, twenty-five drinking glasses used once, and the cinnamon buns are GONE! I'm at war - to clean or not to clean! If I clean, there will be no evidence that yesterday happened.

I experienced a collusion of dark versus light during my recent trip to SEAsia. It's taken me weeks to process it all. I posted pictures, stories, events, smiles, and thoughts on Facebook, but stayed far away from actually talking about it all. Until now.

Every mission trip I'm told, does one of two things: Makes you glad you live in America or makes you sad you live in America. And for me, my Malaysian visit was truly a disruption of my equilibrium. The dark and light of human trafficking seen in the eyes of the Filopino, Cambodian and Indonesian girls, seared my heart. In one glimpse I had insider knowledge with private information. Most I cannot write about, but for today I want to simply say: It exposed me. Yes, ME. Exposed. I may not have been trafficked, raped, beat or sold into sex slavery, but I've walked the line of the sacred/sacrilege as a supposed good girl; a squeaky clean, visually wholesome example of Jesus. And to this, I could vomit.

I am not any of that. I have serious flaws. God has insider knowledge about who I really am. The colluding traders (the Holy Spirit and the prostitutes of Brookfields, Kuala Lumpur), have exposed me big time, revealing that I'm not nearly what I am or could be. I'm not worthy of an upcoming takeover, that's for sure. I appear to have it all, yet I have nothing. The inflation of my own life in ministry has worthless street value.

Knowing all this and understanding it even more, brings this cracked jar of clay into full view. Jesus is the defining factor for me and for my girls. We are ALL the same, both in darkness and in Light. I weep for joy! I can't thank my friend, Carrie, enough for inviting me to share my life with the girls. In many ways, these rescued ones are much more advanced than I when it comes to faith, courage and grace. I'll never forget Lyla (second from right) as we prayed and commissioned her return to Cambodia. She smiled and said, "I want to win my family and town for Jesus."

She will, because now - she's been bought with a much higher and precious price.

(Sidenote) How fun it was to watch old family videos yesterday with our adult children! Thanking God for the power of His presence, even in our past. And even as we grow old together, may we be mindful of all the changes, yet secure in knowing -the most important thing will never change.


Sandra Heska King said...

Oh Sue. This is powerful and so transparent. Walking the line of sacred/sacrilege--what a balancing act. This stripping, this exposure only lets His light shine brighter through you. And aren't we all prostitutes in some form? With what a high price He's purchased us.

Blessed, blessed, blessed to know you.

Love. You. Lots.

Sue Duffield said...

Sandra, you are a blessing to me. And yes, what a high price had to be paid for us all. I love you!

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine what those women/girls have/had to go through. Sometimes I know it's easy to be smug in our comfortable circumstances in America, and not realize how precious are those who have had to "battle" to just stay alive, let alone, love Jesus. Bless your hear to "going in my place"!

sharon brobst said...

"God has insider knowledge of who I really am." The last few weeks this same thought has been forefront on my mind.

Regardless of our past or present life we have a God who sees our inner selves and without condemnation loves us toward being who He knows we can be.

Without even knowing the full stories of what these women have gone through my heart aches for them...for all women who live in bondage of mans sin...oh Sue!!

Anonymous said...

I was so moved by what you shared....we have no idea what blessings God bestows on us and then we take them for granted! Bless you for taking the time to minister...I know that lives were touched!